What did you register for?

I spent most of the weekend doing wedding stuff, including registering. It was fun for the first hour, or until I had to force myself into a full-blown fantasy to stomach the exercise of telling my friends and family which expensive gifts we want them to buy us. It just creeped me out.

The trouble started in the fine china department, right next to the registry desk. My fiance and I agree on just about everything except china patterns, which we decided to tackle another day. China will be a problem because our styles are different. This is the pattern that's in my family (it's called Rutledge by Lenox), which I love because it's what I grew up with:

Naturally, the places where we've registered don't carry it. When we realized that china wasn't going to happen, we bolted for the kitchen and bedding areas of the store.

On the upside, my favorite part of registering has been food-related. I registered for a pink Mixmaster and thought I'd died and gone to heaven when I saw a deviled egg plate! I always wanted one - if you're wondering, it's that round plate in the picture below with the divets to hold eggs - how cool is that?!

Other random fun stuff included a "seafood set,' since we are in New England and we eat lobster all the time (by all the time, I mean once a year for special occasions!), a pie pan that comes with a Tupperware-style cover, a sauce boat with a ladle, and a ton of vases.

While we wandered stores with the scanner, tagging all the items we liked, I started feeling really weird. It's just so strange to make up a gift list for your friends and family, and as time went on I started feeling greedy. "Hey, friend with a bunch of kids and at least one mortgage - buy me this expensive present just because I'm getting married!" I started feeling worse and worse.

Finally I decided that registering was a fantasy - I don't expect to see any of this stuff cross my doorway, it was just fun to "shop." In my fantasy, I set such a beautiful table that no one notices that the chicken is dry and the veggies are mushy. There are lots of candles and a colorful tablecloth and maybe even fresh flowers.

As we scanned pillow cases (I mean really - my friends and family are supposed to get me pillow cases? Really? Isn't that creepy AND presumptive?), I started to really feel like I was doing something wrong. So I focused on the dinner party in my head. I would feel compelled to use alllll the serving pieces, so there's be soup, salad, an appetizer course, maybe a couple of veggie choices, and dessert. We'd use all of our tableware at this dinner party - especially the wine glasses - and it would be so fun! I stopped short of planning the guest list, but that was because it was time to go home and watch the superbowl.

Anyone else feel like a jerk when they registered? Did you register for any weird stuff? Any indispensable items, or things you thought you'd use but don't?

Cheers, Lara

PS If you like what you see in the picture with the egg plate, click here to check it out.

Comments

I'm going to sound like a total bitch and I'm sorry if I offend anyone.My family and I are not into showers. I didn't have one when I got married nor when I had my first child. I think it's terrible and greedy to tell people to come to a party for me and bring me a gift. I think it's disguisting when people are living on their own, clearly they can afford things, have a shower.Does a college graduate, who can pay the rent and drive a nice car honestly feel entitled to register for expensive items and not feel guilty about it? A shower was origianly for the kids who were young, living at home, to give them a couple of things to start their own home. We have completly lost sight of that. Do you really need china to start your home? Yes it would be nice to have, but do you honestly need it? The women of my family had an afternoon tea for me and everyone brought for me their favorite recipe. The recipe cards are in everyone's own handwritting and they mean a lot to me. I bought my own mixer. It's not pink.

I totally felt bad about registering, until I realized that I HATE buying people stuff without knowing if they want it. Do you really want to buy someone something they won't want or use? Wouldn't you rather buy them something you already know they'll love? You're just doing people a favor by letting them know your tastes. The fact is, no one forces anyone to buy exclusively from the registry. If they really want to buy you something else, they will. And I don't see anything wrong with showers in general. It's not like you're only going to your own and not anyone else's, right? It's no different than a birthday party as far as gifts are concerned. Hooray for getting married!!!

See, I agree with flowergirl AND adri! I'm completely ANTI-SHOWER. I'm going to be 38 when I get married for crying out loud! I'm pretty anti-bride, I'm probably not even having bridesmaids! But as adri said - I'm completely pro-getting married, and I hate attending weddings where there's no registry, that's hard too.

I agree, showers are pretty cheesy, I had FOUR last year, BUT, at least that is a non-selfish thing if others are throwing it and you're not asking or expecting anyone to.

As for registering, not only is it nice to know you're buying something you're SURE the couple will like, but if you DON'T register - you'll end up with tons of useless / not your taste / completely random gifts and feel awful when you want to take them all back. You end up with some of those anyway, better to fend it off as much as you can by registering.

But seriously, register for things you really want, I was really surprised at what things we received, that I 'fantasy' registered for, absolutely SURE that we'd never get (silly, way too much money, etc)...

Also? It's so weird writing thank-yous for things you picked out yourself.

I love to read about women who are anguishing over showers. It is very amusing because I never met a woman who likes them (or bridesmaids' dress) etc. Nevertheless, women keep torturing themselves by participating in these silly rituals.

Why do women do that? Men might be stupid, but at least we are smart enough to know that showers are ridiculous.

The same goes for Valentine's day...but that's another story for a different day.

I agree with flowergirl. When I married I had been living on my own for about 9 years so my house was full. (My husband had been travelling as a volunteer for a few years so he came with just a couple of suitcases) My friends asked about us registering, but I couldn't think of anything we really needed. The only things I could think of would have been more expensive replacements for things I already had.

Since my husband was still volunteering and we would be moving soon, I told friends not gifts were necessary, but they could give something if they wanted, or they could give money. I felt really weird saying that, but in reality money was what we needed at the start of our marriage.

And, no, we did not need money because we had an expensive wedding. The total cost of our wedding was around $800 including rings, dress/suit, and officient.

My fiance and I became engaged over Christmas. I've always hated registries and I never purchase gifts off of them. However, I finally relented and registered for a few select items because everyone kept asking where I was registered and my mom insisted that I had to register. It was awkward but I guess it makes it easier for friends.

My best friend asked for an expensive trash can for her kitchen, thinking she would never get it and that it was a little absurd - well, she got it, and she says it is the greatest thing that ever happened to her. :-)

I buying off a registry because you can almost always find something that you can afford, and that you know the couple will like or use.

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I agree with flowergirl. I did not register nor did I have a shower. My husband and I had both lived on our own forever before we got married, so we needed to get rid of stuff, not get more stuff. The point of registries and showers was for couples just starting out with nothing, leaving their parents home for a home with their new spouse. Nowadays that's fairly archaic. Also, you will never use the crap you register for. I don't know anyone who uses fine china, real crystal and silverware (plus silverware is a bitch to keep polished).

Getting married is probably the single worst, if not THE worst thing a woman could ever do to a man.
Complete torture.
If I had to get married, I would probably kill myself.

I have a comment. I've been married for 15 years. i had a shower that was put on by my sister. No, getting married is not the worst thing you can do to a man. It could be one of the best things that happens to both people. Showers are not necessarily for the bride and groom, but the parents and relatives who love you and want to give you something that you will have for years and think of fondly when you serve your guests on platters, etc., that they purchased for you, and to pass on to your own children. should the marriage survive. grow up. when you marry someone you marry their family. if it's a wrong fit, it should have been figured out prior to receiving wedding gifts. showers are an act of love. if they aren't, you should not be getting married.

When I got married I registered for things but recieved none of them. So I personally think that registering for gifts is a total waste of time. Basicly you are telling everyone to take away the personal touch of a gift by telling them what it is that you want. Let them put the personal touch and pick out what they want.

no help wot so eva

My husband and I are getting ready to celebrate our one year anniversary. We didn't register, nor did we ask for money. It is my second marriage (I did register for the first one, but we were young kids who still lived with our respective parents) and my husband was a thirty-eight year old bachelor, so our households were already well established. Although, we did put a SMALL card tree by the front entrance with little clothes pins on it and miniature blank cards and envelopes next to it for people to leave us little messages or monitary gifts if they so desired. But we never came out and requested them to leave us any money nor did we expect them to; that's just tacky. We did however get some WONDERFUL messages from our friends and family. It's a great keepsake!
We also had a matted picture of us without the glass over it for people to sign the mat instead of a guest book.

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