Is it really all about sex??

In light of the chatter on this blog, I went back and re-read this list . It seemed kind of bogus when we talked about it on the air - we decided that you can talk about whether or not to have a TV in the bedroom when you get married all day long but it still doesn't mean that your marriage will work out.

These questions in particular caught my eye:

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

All you cheaters, reformed cheaters, victims of cheating - would that New York Times list of questions (which appeared in the Wedding section by the way) have helped your relationship?? Can it now? Isn't being able to talk with your wife (or husband) about what's happening between you important?

Maybe it's the day-to-day stuff - like who's going to clean the house? Take care of the kids, if you're going to have any? OMG - you DID decide whether or not to have kids before you got married, didn't you!??

Of course, I'm engaged, so I'm pretty interested in this stuff. Giving it up every time your husband asks for it seems a little one-sided to me. And as for the women who wrote that they do whatever they want to keep their men happy, WOW. I feel like a naive prude right about now; it all sounds so 1950s to me...is that really what it takes?

Is a happy marriage ALL about sex??

Cheers, Lara

Comments

Lara et al.

It really is all about hitting the skins. Are you ever angry or mad during sex?

Unfortunately, women use sex as a weapon. I think we can all agree about that.

Are men ever happy with the amount of sex they get? You guys don't want to just make out. You'll do it if it leads to more. We like making out. We like to snuggle. You just want to knock boots. Am I wrong? We don't use sex as a weapon. Sometimes we just aren't in the mood. Guys don't understand that.

I think it's all about communication and accepting our differences, regardless of the topic. Yes, sex is a part of the marriage that can make it go wrong or right, but not the only part. It's the one thing though that many people have a problem communicating about - who wants to say that there's something wrong in THAT area. But it's essential. My fiance and I do talk about our sex life. It's not always a fun conversation. But we have agreed to compromise in some areas based on our conversations. And we understand each other more and more...which actually has made our sex life better. Do we have more work to do and more conversations to have? Yeah. But that's okay.

And I do disagree with both of the above...some women use sex as a weapon, not all...and some guys do actually enjoy snuggling and kissing without the 'act' (or at least the guys I know are great liars!).

My x-boyfriend and I have amazing sex, but we can't communicate at all. Hence the x- before his name. So no, a great marriage isn't ALL about sex or we would be married and not "broken up, but kinda together, still having sex, but you wouldn't understand..." for the hundredth time in our 3 year relationship.

Please read the book "Mars And Venus in the Bedroom". My husband & I were married 8 years before I read it. Had I read ir sooner I would have saves myself a lot of frustration & hard feelings. Better yet, read it together.

I think sex is such a sensitive topic that if we 'really' could discuss about it, our days would be happier. I and my husband discuss about every single thing too but it doesnt help. My husband wants it every other day whereas I want more than sex. my husband would grab me in the midnight do it in a hurry, i just cannot enjoy it. I have told him to start a little early and slowly proceed with making out and then..sex ..somehow my husband says yes every time but does the same thing.he used to be good at sex before though,somehow for me the satisfaction of slow lovemaking seems more important to frequency of it. I guess it doesnt matter if u dont have an orgasm provided you feel the love and passion.i used to oblige intially a lot.. my husband would grab my back and directly put his hands/x there and literally coax me into that.i would havedeadlines and i would still be a 'good wife' cooking cleaning and be a sex bomb but now i expect more..i still have erotic dreams about my husband but i want to receiveitforachan

YES ITS 90% ABOUT SEX!

It's alot about sex. I'm 40 and want sex more than ever. My husband seems to want it less. Thas not good.

It seems like it I just turn 31 and love sex and intercoarse but my boyfriend ejaculates way too early and to make it worse he wont even talk about this with me. We have been togther for 12 years and it is furstrating.

Barbara
Do you guys at least use a vibe? If he used it on you than maybe it wouldn't be so frustrating.

I am 49. After my kids got big enough
to look after themselves to a certain
degree, my interest in sex went through
the roof, around age 34-35. My husband's sex drive tanked. It had been
sheer frustration for over 10 years now.
He's a good guy, so I've learned to be
thankful for his good points. I have
not forgotten how wishy-washy some men
can be. I dated quite a bit before I
met my husband. Sex is nice, but it
ain't everything.

Sex is great but it's more about the affection. The flirting and kissing while making dinner and the cuddling during a movies. It's knowing that your partner returns the love that you give. Yes sex is part of it but nowhere near all. It took me a long time to grow up and learn this after being married young. Sex was everything in the beginning but when things slow down is when sex starts to mean something.

Tootsie
Same thing is happening to me. My sex drive is crazy, my husbands - not so much. He is great and couldn't picture life without him. Vibe only goes so far.

I remember wondering, before I got
married, just how the sex thing was
going to last forever. Turns out, it
was a valid point to wonder about. You
see most of your friends divorcing?
People fall into a pattern of not making
it fun when it should be fun. All too
often the guy just wants to get her done
get satisfied and not put effort into
it. Too much work. How sad.

I agree. How do we keep interested in our amrriage so our spouse stays a spouse...and not a marriage. Love the husband, hate the life....

it's all about SEX!!!!SEX IS EVERYTHING TO ME I LOVE IT WHEN MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME!HE IS SO HOT AND ROMANTIC AND WILD!I'M SO IN LOVE WITH HIM.IF IT WASN'T FOR SEX I WOULDN'T HAVE MARRIED HIM.WE HAVE SEX EVERY DAY AND NIGHT..OOOOH ANYWAY I'M GOING TO HAVE SEX NOW.SEE YA GUYS.AND REMEMBER MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.

i think people use sex as an excuse to say they love someone.while for me sex is tied tightly with my emotions i feel you should feel the "love" part way before the sex part. otherwise you will wake up one day and realize you are somewhere you don't wanna be, with someone you really don't know!!

I am 22 and have been married for 2 years in august. My husband and i have also been trying for a child for nearly 2 years but he doesnt seem to want sex he will if im ovulating but he never iniciates it and when i do he usually turns me down any tips ladies.

you have to act completely uninterested. stop trying. turn your back on him when you go to bed. it's all a stupid game but it works. try it for a couple of months. it will make him nuts. make him come to you. start going out with the girls way more. but behave and be faithful. make him start wondering what's going on with you. my husband tried for two years non-stop to have sex and i lost all interest in him. the minute i lost him to someone else I went crazy jeolous and just wanted him more than you could ever imagine. i lost a good guy. don't let it get to that point.

You both have to want sex before you will enjoy it. I'm sure everytime he wants it, you don't want it and vise versa. I know several couples who are in a NO SEX relationship and their mates stray. Please don't let that happen to you. Communication is the best way to go about this.