Is being engaged good for your relationship?

Thanks for all the ideas and tips on wedding-planning, ladies - keep 'em coming!

Now that I've been engaged for a month, there's one question that all my friends, family and co-workers have: "How is the wedding planning coming along?" I finally have come up with an answer to that innocent question - "It's NOT!"

We are hard at work over here, not planning this shin-dig. It's been a month, and so far we have...

- Not picked a wedding month (maybe September 2007?)
- Seen four possible venues but not picked any of them
- Drafted rough guest lists
- Flipped through 2 local bridal magazines while watching TV
- Perused theknot.com
- Picked a weekend in February to go looking for a dress, but have no clue where to look yet

To sum up - PRACTICALLY NOTHING!

The only thing I have faith in at this point is that I WILL marry the guy who gave me the ring.

Turns out it is really stressful to NOT plan a wedding and I'm lucky that he's been by my side every step of the way!

However, I've learned what it means to be part of a couple -- especially the part where one of you talks to your future in-laws when maybe your fiance can't handle another conversation about the unplanned wedding with his or her own parents. We've both done that, and as someone who was single a looooooong time, it's the most intimate, sweet, caring thing anyone's done for me or I've done for anyone else. I think being engaged has been good for our relationship!

We have the added bonus of having my future step-daughters 1/3 of the month. I love those girls more than anything, but even more so now - they're serving as a GREAT procrastination excuse ("We can't look at the reception site on Saturday, we have the girls!" "We'd love to register this weekend, but we have the girls").

So, to answer the question, "How's the wedding planning coming along?" The answer is "Great! I'm totally in love with my fiance, AND we have nothing planned yet!"

Have a great weekend - I'm going to Mobile AL to visit my grandparents and NOT plan the wedding!

Cheers, Lara

Comments

Lara: I love you darling, but I just don't understand why you just don't elope and save the stress (and money) associated with a big wedding. Besides, I thought you were married before or living with him or whatever. I just don't get it....

I've never been engaged or even close to it, but I can't relate to the compulsion to dive right into wedding planning. But maybe that's because I don't really understand why people want them in the first place. But I'm with you--just enjoy your engagement.

I've never been married, and this is essentially the first time I've lived with a guy. I was never a "when I grow up I want a white dress and a big wedding" kinda girl to begin with, but I did always know that I wanted to have a big party with my huge extended family and a lot of dancing. So far it's turning out to be a little more complicated than just having a party, and so we still may just elope and save all the trouble!

My engagement was way easy. My husband and I pretty much just showed up to our wedding. My mom planned everything because it wasn't important to me. I didn't care what kind of flowers I had or what color the table cloths were. None of that stuff was important to me. What was important was the church- wanted the one my parents got married in, the receiption-didn't want a fire hall, and my wedding dress. After those three decisions were made, we were done. I knew that whatever my parents decided would be fine because what was important was who I was marrying. And you know what, the wedding was great.

I planned our wedding in 4 months. While I am a huge supporter of short engagements, I say take your time if you want to, as long as you're happy where you are.

As an aside? I totally wanted to elope, but my mother would have killed me.

My first wedding was a big church wedding with all the friends and family and attendants and the whole shibang. I filed for divorce five years later.
My second wedding was small (40 guests), no attendants (just he and I), and was in the beautiful living room of his parents' house. Not to mention, his mom planned most of it (I picked the colors, flowers, cake, etc), but she did the detail work and whatnot. It was perfect and beautiful and I have absolutely no regrets about it; whereas my first one I had a TON of regrets even right after the wedding. He was also a thirty-eight year old bachelor, which is why I let his mom have the reigns. It was great... sigh...

I just read my last comment and realized that it isn't entirely clear: My CURRENT husband was a thirty-eight year old bachelor. My first husband I have known since I was thirteen and started dating when I was seventeen and we were married by the time I was nineteen; he is only three years older than me.

I'm getting married in April. And I've actually had fun with the planning - maybe cause I decided that it was just going to be a fun party & I'd do it my way...not the normal expected way for either my parents or my future in-laws (who are Indian). So I'm having a mixed Hindu/Christian ceremony under a tent, getting all dressed up in Indian outfits but having the food and music that I want. My suggestion - have fun with it. Give up worry about it being 'the perfect party' and just enjoy. It is just a day. (I too never had that dream of 'the day') And I plan on having fun with that day.

Sounds like you have the right attitude :)

I was engaged for a year-and-a-half. It was effing fantastic. It gave us plenty of time to plan everything we wanted in a leisurely fashion, ie: sans stress! We didn't stress over a single detail, and everything went flawlessly. Long engagements are definitely the way to go!