Can men & women be friends?

I know it seems like an old question - but we don't know what YOU think yet!

This is an ongoing debate on ChickChat Radio - Heidi doesn't think that men and women can be "just friends," and I think they can.

We asked our listeners what they thought, here are the results:

Men and women can be friends:
True / 92.3%
False / 7.7%

I especially believe that every single girl needs a single guy friend to hang out with - I call him the "non romantic life partner." My NRLP and I used to go to the movies, stand in when the other one needed a date or had an extra ticket to a concert, and analyzed each other's online personal ad. He told me when my haircut or outfit wasn't good, and I told him when it was time for a new pair of jeans. Note - we were JUST FRIENDS! No hanky panky!

What do you think? CAN men & women be friends? What's your experience been like?

Cheers, Lara

Comments

Lara: This is so easy to answer. Girls can be friends with guys. Guys want to sleep with the girl "friend". Hell, I want to sleep with girls that I don't even like.

I always love when a girl will say, "Oh Tommy, he's my best friend. He doesn't want to have sex with me." That's so funny because every guy in the room is thinking, "Go Tommy! I hope you close that deal since you are investing so much time."

So ladies, I hate to break it to you...we (guys) have plenty of friends. We need some one to sleep with.

I LURVE Doony Dog....thanks for saying it for me...

I'm on the fence. I think it's possible to be friends but it can get tricky. Over time sexual tension builds, I believe you can't help that. In a group enviroment just friends is easier. One on one, not so easy.

From my experience, I find that the only guys that I can be friends with are guys that aren't exactly my type. So in other words, guys I would never date. It's kind of sad, but that's the way it has always been with me. I could never be just friends with a guy that was my type because we would always be more than just friends.

nope - not possible. maybe it can last a while, but not indefinitely.

I needed to amend my comment. It is possible for a guy and a girl to be friends, but only if the guy is gay.

Note, if the girl is gay, and the guy is straight, the guy still wants to sleep with the girl

I agree with CC. I have been friends with guys that I wasn't in the least bit attracted to. No sexual tension there (at least not on my side).

No.

They will always want to do it. Just ask Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

In my experience, you may be friends for a long time, but eventually something sexual occurs. It may only happen once, but it still happened and that makes the whole relationship different. So in my opinion, it is not possible.

I think you can. My best friend and I met in 6th grade, and, although we tried to date in high school, it never worked out. We're still super close, but now he always sides with my husband when I complain about something.

Aaah, the age old question. I've had lots of guy friends (prefer them actually), and I agree with Doony Dog for the most part. It's only possible to be only friends for the entire length of a relationship when either the man or woman is gay. Or brother and sister. Otherwise, it goes one of two ways: there's some attraction on one side or the other that just doesn't work out and you become "just friends" afterwards, or some attraction builds on one side or the other over time until you are no longer "just friends". It's just basic human needs and the way we were designed...

I think it depends on the intimacy of the friendship. If it is someone that you only see once every couple of week and you keep them at arms length, I think that guys and girls can be friends. But I have never been able to maintain a friendship that didn't turn into something else. Maybe that's just my downfall, but yeah.

I think it also changes once you're in a committed relationship. I have a few casual male friends, but no one close. I don't think that I could have a close male friend because it would infringe (in my opinion) on some of my husband's territory. Does that make any sense?

OH, well I have always had guy "friends" who I wasn't necessarily into. However, any guy I talk to says that secretly, they want to have sex with me. But, this does work only in a group environment..I suppose on our own, it wouldn't work unless they were gay.

I like "NRLP". I might have to keep that one!

I think that it is possible, although I think many times there is some sort of romantic overtone to things. But I don't think that means things necessarily have to be awkward or focused on that aspect.

It's absolutely possible. My best friend and are a unit but there is nothing sexual between he and I. We've lived together, shared a bed and we're still best friends and nothing more. He's just my other half.

I think it is possible if there is no attraction between the two .. but we all know in most cases one person is attracted to the other and its usually the male.

Yes, yes, yes. Men and women can be "just friends". Two of my closet friends are guys. We have known each other since Kindergarten, 23 years now, and have never experienced any sexual tension. We played together as children, watched each other mature and gave advice on dating from the opposite sex's point of view, partied through college and are now happily watching as each of us gets married. Soon we will be sharing stories about our children. Perhaps it's more difficult to keep the sex question out of a friendship if a man and woman meet as adults, but I really believe that it's not only possible for guys and girls to be friends, but those friendships are an important part of creating a full, rich circle of friends.

Olivia and mcsweetie: I enjoyed the message you posted. Don't take this the wrong way, but your male "friends" are constantly thinking about whether your a screamer or a moaner in bed. It does not matter whether they are dating someone else or asking you advice or even sleeping in the same bed with you...either they are gay or they are dying to get in your pants. I'm serious. But if it makes you feel better to think that they do not want to jump your bones, then that's fine with me.

Olivia and mcsweetie: Don't listen to Doony Dog, he's just jealous!

I've always had male friends mostly and they will happily admit they would have been happy to...get physical. But I don't care because most females grate on my nerves so the guys are preferable...besides, several female friends have indicated a late in life lesbian curiosity too.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now, and his friends inlude a husband and his wife and his neighbor. They all hang out together on the weekends and they never include me or his neighbors wife. His friends wife that he hangs out with is always calling him, going by his work....Am I over reacting to the situation? But she never wants any other women around her and the gang....what should I do?

I have a dilema. My boyfriend has a friend that is a girl. He has no interest in her whatsover but she does have interests in him. She calls him and always invites him places and excludes the fact that he is in a relationship. He never goes out with her, only if i go with. But her calling really bothers me even know she states she is in a relationship now. Should i really be this bothered?

I believe and man and woman can only be friends when one does not wish for more. I recently "broke up" with a male friend after two years of trying to win him over. I'm an attractive, intelligent, slender, professional woman. And for two years all I've heard is "let's concentrate on being friends first". So what gives, besides "he's just not that into you"?

it's a tough one. i started dating a guy about a year ago that has a female 'best friend'. it caused a great deal of tension between us until we discussed it at length...

i still feel resentment towards her just because i feel she demands a certain kind of attention from him that's characteristic of a romantic relationship.

i think there's always some sort of sexual aspect in a male/female relationship even if it's never acted upon.

well..... I love this girl to death and we have known each other for three years and I still am friends with her, but its not for sex, tho in my head shes sexy and beautiful, shes just a lot more than that to ever lose contact with, she is definitely my best friend

Even though they are your best friend, sometimes you have sexual feelings for them that you just can't control and must have them. I do, however, have several male friends that I am not sexually attracted to at all.

I think its okay whilst youre both single, or if the girl has a boyfriend who also likes the best male pal. But from my experience, once a guy has a girlfriend it usually means you see less of him as a friend, because girls tend to get more jealous than men do in these situations - and men tend to feel more awkward about these sort of things than women (who usually are able to talk them through!)

i thinks its great to have a guy as a friend. just because guys arent afraid to speak the truth. come on now you know that girls dont. they might try to say in a nice way, but guys tell like it is. and plus when you have guy problems, its really helps when you hear what i guy thinks about it.

I had an NRLP and then we tried dating. He is no longer an NRLP, because I found out so many things about him that I couldn't stand. It was the end of the friendship.

I agree that men and women can be just friends. Many of my best friends are male. Women and I just do not seem to see eye to eye, mostly because they think I am after their bf/husbands. Reality is that I like to play and watch sports, and have been a Tom Boy most of my life. My husband is understanding of this fact, and doesn't flinch when a guy calls for me. Though I do agree with some of the posts, that a man and woman cannot be friends after something sexual has entered the equation.

I will agree with Dooney Dog on some level, but I think the longer the friendship lasts those feelings go away and become a mutual respect. It is up to the individuals in the friendship to determine what type of friendship it will be.

Yes! Men and women can be friends. But I think at least one person in each male/female friendship is feeling a hint of sexual tension.

And, if neither person felt a hint of sexual tension, I wonder if a real friendship would exist: If there was no other reason to interact; like work, a mutual project, sexual tension, or an agenda, I wonder if they would really be friends.

Okay I totally think that a guy and a girl can be friends. I have had a best guy friend for the past 4 years. We tried dating, it didn't work, and now we are closer than we were when we did date. There is definetly no sexual tension either...and no..he is not gay...and I am not a lesbian haha

I dont think it works espcially if the man and woman are compatible and there is a spark. Plus it starts with being friends, close friends, then always it changes, being close, makes each of them have privilages over the other, getting possesive. IT never worked for me except if the man is somoene i really dont see as i man i can date or love one day

Dee - Nina --- I am SURE the guys don't think its a problem - but I think it is. There is just no way around it. Listen to Donny Dog. Once you guys are in relationship w/ this guy, the girl should be just as welcoming to you (even if you are not friend types outside of the connection) In fact, great girls know she should try harder to connect with the girl of a guy she's friends with....

When my husband and I met, neither one of us wanted to be in a relationship, we both stated that from the get go. I thought perfect, a male friend with no expectations, he thougth the same thing. We went out several times a week and would end up at all night restaurants just talking. I never talked so much in my life. I knew him better than I knew some people I had known longer. But after a while that pesky sexual tension happened. Now we are married.

Personally i don't think men and woman can just be friends. My old best friend and were very close. I spent everyday with him but i knew he liked me a lot. ANd i have to admite that i liked my best friend alot and sometimes catch myself flirting with him But i had a boyfriend (who was his older brother). Later on down the road a lot happened and i think it made him realize that i was never going to be more then friends and he just stopped talking to me. It was a hard time in my life because he was my best friend. But thats why i think men and woman arn't meant to be JUST FRIENDS.

Not at all. I see the way my guy friends look at him just waiting for one day he will open his eyes and realize. Oh my GOD Its you I love and you were right in front of my eyes all along!!! Nope

My ex husband had a female "friend" about three years into our marriage. Now, they live together. Strictly as "roomates" free to date and have thier own lives....so I've been told. I don't think men and women can be just friends unless they are single. I have lots of male friends...but they are all gay, so my boyfriend doesn't mind me spending a day or evening with them. Nina, it's odd that the female friend calls so much. She is probably jelouse of you. But I think your boyfrined loves you and your relationship if he isn't hanging out with her unless it's the three of you. Dee, Odd situation. The other women (even though she is married) really shouldn't be calling your husband or going by his work. I know they are friends, but they should include the other wives when they hang out.

guys and girls can't be friends.they just can't.

my best friend is soo hot!i'm not really in love with him but everytime he meets a girl and they start dating...i'm so so jealous!!!

I just got into an argument about this topic with my significant other not too long ago, however I do believe that you are able to have friends of the opposite sex without intimacy, you just have to know your boundaries and be disciplined in not going beyond them.

i had sex with my best friend.we were drunk.the day after sex,he told me he was in love with me..i didn't know what to say and since then we don't talk to each other..i don't know what to do.the sex was awesome but i don't know if we can be a couple.i don't know i'm confused.if we could stay best friends...with ''bonus'',is it a bad idea??i don't want to miss the sex,he was so good.

annie what's wrong with you?? friends with bonus??don't play with him,he is in love with you ,and the only thing you want from him is sex!!!!!!!???sorry,but you are a whore.

you don't know me,so don't call me a whore!i just want sex right now,what's your problem?

my problem is that you are a whore!whore is someone who wants sex.

ok.you have a problem.

ok i have problem but I'm not a whore who gets drunk and has sex with her best friend

sally you are wrong.annie is not a whore,she is just confused.annie,tell him how you feel.tell him the sex was great and let's hope he wants the same as you..Just sex.good luck

I agree with the person who wrote "you can be friends but only if the guy is gay". Better yet I believe you can only be friends if the guy is gay and the woman is lesbian. Anything other than that doesn't work.

I'm friends with plenty of women, but there are conditions:

1) There's a context to our relationship (old high school/college classmates)
2) There are husbands/significant others in the picture for most.
3) I don't see them everyday.

Those conditions put up enough roadblocks to keep everybody sane and content.

I will agree that male-female friendships are awesome because you REALLY get to talk and express yourself without feeling like you have to compete.
I would, however, have a problem being friends with an age-appropriate heterosexual single woman who didn't find me at least somewhat attractive.
Who the hell wants that constant blow to the ego?
Ladies, if you're in that position, and you value that guy's feelings at all, I wouldn't be too open about why you're "just friends" with him.

My boyfriend and i have been together for almost three years..... I love him more then anything in the world and I know he loves me to but there is this girl that hes been talking to. He knew her when he was young but she moved away when we were all in about 8th grade. He met a guy at work that lives where she moved to and he gave him her number my boyfriend called her initially i freaked out and we broke up but we got back together (this was aroung christmas time) She stopped calling neihter of us knew why until suddenly 2 months later she started calling again she said she had gotten back together with her boyfriend but then broken up again because he was to posessive. She called the day her and her boyfriend broke up. When she calls when my boyfriend and i are together i get mad because he wont answer and he says its because he doesnt NEED to talk to her and he doesnt want to waste time talking to her whne its "our" time. He will although call her back later. He hasnt seen her in atleast 6 years does he like h

Should I be worried? He tells me that he simply called her to "catch up" they use to be friends and he thought it was crazy that he had met someone that knew her and went to school with her. I really dont think he likes her he tells me "Babe I love you, you are overreacting like you always do you are acting like im going to run off with her and your going to be left in the dust" so he knows how im feeling and he swears up and down its nothing but the fact that he still continues to talk to her and calls her when im not around and will only answer when im NOT there bothers me im so confused any advice?

li love calm down girl!!it's obvious that he loves YOU,not her.just don't be jealous she is just a friend.trust him if you love him.everything's gonna be ok.bye

My favorite go to sleep food is vanilla ice cream with Herseys choc. syrup. Couple that with a Yanni cd softly playing and you have it made. WBR LeoP

Thank you so much for that Grace that was really good for me to hear and exactly what I wanted to hear. Hopefully you are not just saying that because you knew it is what i wanted to hear. She called tonight and asked him to the movies and he said "sorry I can't tonight" and to me he should have just said no but he said he didnt want to be a jerk to her and thats why he said it the way he did. He told her he has a GF so why is she calling SO much and asking him to ho to the movies!!! I feel like shes trying to be a homewrecker!

This blog is awesome. I was just on the Web researching "Can Women and Men be Friends" for a podcast we're (TheDivaCast) recording tomorrow and this really gives me food for thought. It is so true that cross-sex friendships are different when you are single verses married. In fact, I think being friends with men when you are single is an awesome way to discover true love--those relationships that go from friend to lover can be the very best, because they are based on something much more substantial than physical attraction. It just gets really complicated when you get married...the whole boundaries thing. And it depends what's going on in your life. You can be in a good place with your spouse and he/she isn't threatened by a cross-sex pal, but the second you hit a bump, jealousy and suspicion can arise...it's just a bit dangerous and...complicated.

hey all you ladies out there i am single an i am sooooooooooo hot i love you baby chicks.
-hottie u wanna get in bed?

I BELEIEVE THAT EVERYONE HAS FRIENDS AND BEING MALE OR FEMALE MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. FOR ME SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE FEMALE AND WE SHARE EVERYTHING TOGETHER, THAT IS GOING ON IN LIFE.

My wife started a chat with a old highschool boyfriend and they'd meet for lunch or coffee purely plutonic. What started out as a "friendship" ended up being an affair that lasted longer then 2 years. We're still together I've forgiven her. If she had included the significant other (me) in the relationship I don't believe it would have gone where it went. Face it theres sexual tension between men and women whether we want to believe it or not. Men were made to procreate we can't help the thoughts that fill our minds.

Knows betters writes:

>>>"If she had included the significant other (me) in the relationship I don't believe it would have gone where it went."

You've hit the nail on the head, buddy. That's why married people should attend weddings, class reunions and homecomings TOGETHER.

So true...The other Divas and I recorded our podcast on this subject ~ Can Men and Women be Friends ~ and the conversation kept coming back to that sexual component...and the topic of affairs. If you guys have interest, check out show #40...it'll be posted probably around the first week in April. We'd love to hear your feedback as well...I need to list this blog in the shownotes! Great conversation, because you get both the male and female perspective. Thanks Chick Chat!

Diva Carrie
www.TheDivaCast.com

they can be friends but it will end at sex

Or...maybe just begin, huh?

OK I need some advise. My boyfriend says that I am his World that he loves me more than anyone in his life, But he wants me to know that He Loves Women, will always look, and be friends with them, and enjoys his hugs with them, So what am I hearing? I feel like he wants Everything, more than just his Cake, He wants me to be OK with it What do I do, or what should I know about these types of feelings. I am feeling very confussed. I don't want a confrontation, But what do I say to all of this?

Have you ever asked him to consider putting the shoe on the other foot? Truthfully, how would he feel about you saying those exact words to him?