What Men Want on New Year's Eve

When Lara asked what your plans for New Year's Eve were, "Doony Dog" answered:

"..there is nothing wrong about some good old, bone crunching sex on New Year's Eve. This is something that women just don't seem to get. Guys want to eat, drink and get laid...preferable at the same time.

Why don't women understand that? Now that should be the blog issue".

Well, I agree. That is a blog issue. Why don't we women understand? Why do we waste all our time making elaborate plans for any major holiday or dude's birthday? We kill ourselves and stress ourselves out with the planning, and the friends, and the menus and the cleaning. When it really is SO SIMPLE!

Doony Dog went so far to say:

"It is a lot more fun than the entire party scene. Don't you think?

In fact, it would be great if I could time it so that the act reached the climax when the ball falls in Times Square"

You know, why didn't I think of that? All these years I've been wasting my time drinking and watching the ball drop. We often complain men are dim-witted, knuckle-dragging cavemen.......

Then we go buy magazines like "Real Simple" and we flock to articles about how to pare down, make life easier and uncomplicate our day. When really, our "Real Simple" experts are RIGHT BESIDE US every step of the way.

Just ask a man how he shops!

Men are actually SIMPLE.....look it up in the thesaurus...... easy, straightforward, uncomplicated, trouble free, undemanding and effortless.

And the Cavewomen aren't bad lookin' either...

Ask YOUR man what he'd like to do for New Year's Eve -- see if he doesn't agree with Doony Dog....

The best part? You WON"T HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR!!!!

Cheers! Hope the New Year Brings You all the Health, Happiness and FUN that can possibly be had. (wink wink - nod nod)

And when you need a laugh -- ChickChat is HERE for you!

-Heidi

What are you doing on New Year's Eve??

New Year's Eve is only a few days away...the clock is ticking! Do you know what you're going to do yet???

I was never tempted to do the Times Square thing... all those people! And I have to pee way too often to stand in that crowd for hours:

This year I am going to do First Night in Boston:

Apparently I was at the first one in 1976, and this time I get to go with my fiance and his lovely daughters (who are 9 and 13 years old). We'll walk around our neighborhood and check out ice sculptures, live music, and fireworks. I can't wait! After a zillion years of hitting the bars on New Years, it will be nice to be with my family.

What are YOU going to do New Year's Eve?

Cheers,
Lara

Best Christmas Gift, Ever?

Can you remember your BEST Christmas gift EVER??

I have distinct memories of opening the Barbie Plane, my Breyer Horses and an entire Estee' Lauder makeup kit.

But I'm not sure anything tops the gift my co-host Lara gave me for Christmas....

It's the Men of Mortuaries Calendar.

It takes all my 'loves' into consideration. My love of men. My love of the subject of 'death.' My love of nakidity. My love of 'Calendar Girls.' My love of people fighting the War on Frumpiness. And last, but not least, my love of breaking stereotypes- which these gentlemen have SHATTERED!

(and no, they are not naked on the inside...and yes, it is a fundraising calendar for KAMM, benefiting those going through breast cancer treatment.)

What gift did you LOVE this Christmas? Or what gift sticks out in your mind...always?

Cheers!
Heidi

Et tu, Betty & Veronica??

Remember Betty & Veronica? Archie Comics? Anyone? Is this thing on? Well, they're getting make-overs. My girls! They've looked the same for 65 years, and NOW they're getting updated!? WHY? Oh, the humanity!!

I used to LOOOOVE Betty & Veronica - and even though I could relate more to Betty, I always wanted to be more like Veronica.

Ah, the good old days....

Remember that time they showed up at the Prom in the same dress??? Neither did I. Here's a reminder. Boy, that Veronica sure looks steamed!

What could possibly be done to these two lovely ladies, to make them even more perfect? Here's a sneak peak:

Sigh. No more baby fat. Betty's got pigtails instead of a pony tail (!?!) and Vernoica has cheekbones! Sigh. I prefered the 65-year-old look. Next thing you know, Dennis the Menace will be a 40-something father of 6, the kid from Family Circus will be in rehab, and Marmaduke will be out in that big pasture in the sky.

Are you a Betty or a Veronica? And do you approve of the new look?

Happy Holidays!

Cheers, Lara

Nothing Says "I Don't Love You" Like...

Giving a sweater for Christmas.

We talked about this on the show and decided that ALTHOUGH sweaters are supposedly 'hot' this year...there is at least ONE GOLDEN RULE:

IF YOU SLEEP WITH THE PERSON - you CANNOT and MAY NOT BUY THEM A SWEATER FOR CHRISTMAS.

Yes, that applies to guys giving to their woman.

And yes girls, you cannot give your man a sweater.

All it says is

"I love you like a....well....a SWEATER!!!!

You: "But Heidi, we live in a very cold area, he really needs a sweater"

Me: NO, don't do it.

You: "But Heidi, She love sweaters, she loved the one I bought last year"

Me: NO, don't do it.

You: "But Heidi, Its Cashmere!"

Me: NO, don't do it (go for the cashmere robe - then she'll wear nothin' underneath!!)

You: "But Heidi, its a "hip" sweater!"

Me: No, don't do it

You: "But Heidi, she wanted a Holiday sweater

Me: The below is from QVC, enough said...

You: But I already bought the gift sweater last week!"

Me: Take It Back - NOW!

You: "But Heidi, ....

Me: NO, NO, NO!

You: You're such a bitch Heidi!

Merry Christmas!
Cheers! Heidi

How do you feel about banning trans fats??

New York City is in the process of getting rid of all the trans fats in the city. Which I think is stupid.

This photo symbolically illustrates the problem with a flat-out ban. You can't just BAN trans fats! What will happen to this guy? Is he going to be sent to New Jersey?? I wonder if his passengers have asked him what he thinks about the ban and his coincidental name. Actually, a very intelligent conversation on the topic is happening over at Grrl Genius's blog, here.

I think we all could use a little education on what trans fats are (and high fructose corn syrup for that matter), products should be HONESTLY labeled, but for heavens sake - leave my restaurant food alone!

If I'm eating out, I'm splurging both financially and health-wise. I don't eat out to eat the same stupid rabbit food I eat at home - I want some "good" junk food! I want food I can't or won't make at home, like chicken parmesan and chocolate cake! I want something FRIED! I want something SWEET!

What do you think??

Cheers, Lara

Pimp Your Nutcracker

You know how it can get kinda slow at work around the Christmas Holiday?

We're here for ya Girlfriend!

Try this out:

PIMP MY NUTCRACKER

It is a website where you can Pimp Your Own Nutcracker!! Dude - I spend HOURS on this. They have even got CHEETAH! I'm in hog heaven here.

note: on the left where it says like "body" -- each time you click on it, you get a different 'body' so keep clicking!!

Cheers! Heidi

Worst part about Christmas

I have a HUGE pet peeve this time of year. It's the tv commercials. They drive me CRAZY!

This years' new commercial that drives me nuts is those two kids ripping paper off a present, freaking out (yes - Yes - YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS THANK YOU THANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!!!!!!). It represents the worst of the holiday, making it all about the presents. Those kids look like a coupla greedy brats. Ugh. That ad is bad, but it's not the worst.

It's the grown-up version of that ad that earns my personal award, "The Worst Ad Campaign Ever."

It goes something like this.

Couple comes downstairs on Christmas Morning. Husband gives Wife a small box. Wife opens box. She looks confused - it's a key chain. A key chain? She's confused, disoriented, lost - did Husband get mixed up while wrapping presents and give her his keys for Christmas?

No, sweetheart.

Husband smiles knowingly. He takes Wife by the hand, leads her to the huge picture window and pulls back the beige curtain. Perfect white snow blankets the front lawn and the trees on this idyllic suburban street. In the driveway is a car - a NEW car - with a big stupid red freakin' bow on the top!

Tears come to Wife's eyes, as she smiles and looks at Husband. Ahhhh - you got me a new car! Mystery solved, The End.

Nothing says, "Honey, I emptied our retirement account so I could surprise you with a new car this Christmas," like a car in a driveway Christmas morning with a big stupid red bow on it.

My problem with this ad is that I simply don't believe it happens. Who has their act together to the point where they can SURPRISE their SO with a NEW CAR? Can it be done? How? How do you figure out what kind of car to get? What color? How do you buy a new car - A CAR - without your SO finding out?

And then, how in the world do you get the car in the driveway Christmas morning, with that big stupid red bow on it? Do you sneak out of the house in the middle of the night and...what? Walk to the dealer's lot? Where do you get a big stupid red bow, anyway?

The company that makes those stupid bows claims to have sold 3,000 of them this year - and had to turn down another 2500 requests. So people really do this!!

Do you know anyone who's been surprised by a car on Christmas? Please, share your story. I'm beginning to feel like the Grinch!

Cheers, Lara

Do You Look Like a Dog?

Everyone watched the Dog Show on Thanksgiving. And often it seems....hmmmm. that owner actually LOOKS like his/her dog!! I LOVE that. I find it HI-sterical.

Now you can go look at some of these gems at Dog Shows USA Dog/Owner look alike Gallery!

BUT you can also ENTER! John O'Hurley will be helping with the judging -- pure breed not required AT ALL!

AND its the least entered category -- BUT the 'secret' is YOU CAN DRESS UP! If you just make your picture fun, we'll vote for it!! Like the obvious -- just dress you and your dog up in a Santa Suit!

Take a look at the fun and creativity!!

They are GOOD. But I know you can do even BETTER! Just ENTER to win! Upload your pic, and let us know!!

Cheers! Heidi

Panic purchases!!!!!!!!!!

In all the engagement excitement, I almost forgot that Hannukah starts FRIDAY.

I'm SCREWED.

I was half way thru shopping when my lovely fiance popped the question (yay!)...so now, I'm in panic purchase mode.

So I have to ask... When you get a scarf/mittens/gloves from a close friend or family member, do you KNOW that you just got a panic purchase present?? Is it a thoughtless gift, even if they're very, very cute?

Am I over-thinking this because it's essentially December 23???

How about other panic-purchase ideas?? For the people who have EVERYTHING (read: PARENTS)?

Cheers, Lara

The Most Important Part of Wedding Planning

CONGRATULATIONS! My baby is getting MARRIED!

My co-host Lara is engaged. Woo Hoo - true love, big life journey, diamonds, setting dates, parties, presents, bands, food, CAKE......blah blah blah..

BUT -- the most important part of this is:

WHAT will the Bridesmaids wear???

I CAN'T WAIT until she picks.

It's tough. There are chesty bridesmaids. Flat bridesmaids. Skinny. Fat. Big arms. Lots of things to hide for the bridesmaids that are past 22 years old.

I think Lara needs some help. Shall we suggest something?

UGLYDRESS.COM

You can make them into "Scarlett" or "Falcons Crest" or "Princess" or anything your little evil heart desires. Because you know what? There is NO such thing as a pretty bridesmaids dress. And if there is...even close...then look at the SHOES (just ask my poor bridesmaids who had to wear the last minute panic buy of satin dyed kelly green.....)

Scarlett called- She WANTS HER DRESS BACK!

All girls are PRINCESSES! especially when they are in MY wedding!!

Word Up to the 80s! A "Golden Era" in the Bridesmaids Dress World!!!!!

buwwwahhaaahaaahaa....

Can't Wait Girlfriend!!!

(Dude- you should SO enter The Today Show wedding thing! RIGHT???????????)

Cheers! Heidi

Now what??

My boyfriend and I got engaged over the weekend! Yay!! Such a happy time! So much love!

All my friends have been married at least once, and I've been in a ton of weddings. I've been a bridesmaid and a flower girl and a reader. It's such a pink flowery gooey happy experience - you'd think I'd know what to do. But I'm a little lost.

What are you supposed to do next?

So far I've been asked: When are you getting married? Will it be this year? Have you picked a date? Where did you register? Are you going to invite (insert name of 3rd cousin here) to the wedding?

What was the first thing you did after you got engaged - or wish you'd done?

Cheers, Lara!

What You Don't Know About Santa Claus..

Many of us have an image of Santa Claus that was greatly influenced by the "Coca Cola Santa"

This is an image of Santa rendered by the artist Haddon Sundblom for Coke in the 1930s.

But that is not all this artist painted.....seems he did some more profitable work.....like this:

(and that is one of the 'cleaner' ones I can show you!!)

Lara asked a good question....do you think that he'd be allowed to render images for Coke today? It would be the equivalent of hiring an "adult entertainment' movie producer to make a Coke commercial!

Hmmmm

BUT, did you know Haddon Sundblom also painted the Quaker Oats dude??

Heeeeyy.....now I know why I'm so attracted to oatmeal -- its like Christmas every morning -- the Quaker Oats dude looks like Santa Claus!!!

Here's the really funny part, no Quaker Oats dude does not look like Santa. He looks like Haddon - look at this:

That's Mr. Sundblom, and he used himself for a model!! I wonder if people thought he looked like Santa BEFORE he painted the famous Santa pictures!!!

Cheers! Heidi

Has this happened to YOU?

Have you ever shown up at a party in a fancy new dress, only to see someone else wearing the exact same thing?

And then - another someone? Wearing the same dress?

And then - your hostess appears, and she makes it FOUR PEOPLE WEARING THE SAME THING???

That's what happened in Washington last week. First, three women were wearing this dress to a White House Holiday reception:

Then, our First Lady Laura Bush walked in, wearing the SAME DRESS:

And being a gracious hostess, our First Lady ran upstairs and put on another dress. Isn't that great?

For the other three ladies in the same dress - was that embarrassing? Or funny?

I'm sorry that the pictures don't do the $8500 Oscar de la Renta dress justice - more info on the actual dress and what happened that night is here.

One time I showed up to a singles event in the same white-with-black polka-dots shirt as another girl. She was taller, thinner and younger than me - and I thought, "YES - I am NOT FRUMPY!" I was psyched! But I also kept an eye on where she was at all times, and tried to keep my distance. I didn't want to wreck her juju as the old lady in the same outfit - this was a SINGLES event!

I don't think it's that big a deal for us regular people to show up wearing the same clothes. I like to see how other girls put together looks with the same clothes, and since I've always been a bit fashion-challenged, I figure I must be doing something right if someone else is wearing the same thing!

Has this ever happened to you??

Cheers, Lara

What is the #1 Women’s Fantasy?

1. A Threesome?
2. Being 'saved' by a fireman?
3. Playing out the "naughty schoolgirl role?
4. Being Audrey in Breakfast at Tiffany's

Yup, you are right, it is lounging around Tiffany's all day w/ a tiara smoking through a long cigarette holder in the BEST ‘little black dress’ EVER.

Why were the old upper crusty men surprised at how much the Audrey Hepburn Breakfast at Tiffany's dress just went for at auction? Over $800,000 is so little to pay.

It’s the convergence of all things ‘chick.’ Diamonds. Tiffany's. Black Dresses. Movie Stars. Shopping. Tiaras. Smoking. Men.

In fact, that dress belongs in the Smithsonian Museum next to the Red Ruby Shoes from The Wizard of Oz.

Which dress would YOU rather have?
1. Marilyn Munroe’s White Dress

2. Scarlett O’Hara’s Green Curtain Dress

3. Princess Diana’s Wedding Dress

JUST KIDDING! (it's like Glenda the Good Witch gone very very wrong!!)

4. or Audrey Hepburn’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s Dress?

Yup, I thought so. NO matter if it's a SIZE TWO!!! It's history. And you don't wear history. If you were the lucky chick who bought it (or the very smart man) - may we request it be sent to the Smithsonian immediately???

Cheers! Heidi

Rachel Ray has a ... what now???

Rachel Ray has all those cookbooks, tv shows, a magazine, a line of cookware, her picture is on Ritz cracker boxes, and now...a Christmas Album?? Really? I get that her fans are as loyal and devout as Martha Stewart's fans. But music too?? Does this woman sleep??

I'll admit, I've tried like hell to be a Ray-ette. I LIKE her perkiness. My mom suggested one of her cookbooks and I tried but I'm just not feeling it. There's always one ingredient I can't stand (ew, cilantro!) or something about the recipe just doesn't sit right with me. So I just admire her rise to fame and wonder ... who buys all her stuff and watches all her shows on tv? Do they also get the magazine and buy Ritz and who knows what all?

Now, I'm not a hater, like those people who started the "I hate Rachel Ray" blog. Those people have too much time on their hands and wow - they hate someone soooo much that they started a blog??

I'm just in awe at the empire Rachel Ray is building - all the while seeming like the girl you want to hang out with and knock back a couple of adult beverages with during Happy Hour.

Anyway -- here's the album cover:

No, Rachel Ray doesn't sing, too - it's a collection of Christmas songs by people like Elvis Presley and Billie Holiday. I don't know much about the Christmas music, but it seems interesting to me! You can see what's on the album here.

Cheers, Lara

Don't Hate Them 'Cause They're Beautiful

Cheerleaders sometimes get a bad rap.

And I completely understand why. I've been on 'both sides.' I have been a TOTAL geek all my life. I got coke bottle glasses in second grade and that was the end of my life to me. Ask anyone from my high school (think Hillary Clinton's college pictures).

But somehow, through a love of dance, contact lenses and the wonders of hair-highlighting to tame the frizz..... I became a Washington Redskins Cheerleader for three years (about 14 or so years ago...).

Sometimes, other women would not be very nice to me. And it was very upsetting because I spent my whole life trying to have some social skills, trying to get my hair to not be an ugly frizz ball, and trying to get maybe one guy to ask me out (never really happened until college). And someone who doesn't know me doesn't like me because I dance for the Washington Redskins??? Very few of us NFL cheerleaders were just born looking good enough to get out on a field in a costume and dance. It's a lot of work (ever see MIss Congeniality? there's something to that movie!!)

Not much in life is ever how it appears.

I know you are skeptical.....I do understand the cheerleader stereotype. In High School we did have one snotty cheerleader. But there were at least 14 others who were the nicest girls in the entire school. I only wish I had half the gymnastic skills and social skills they had back in High School. I'm not sure why we always default to that one "bad" cheerleader. But we do.

Friday night I went to volunteer at a fundraiser at a restaurant/pub in Virginia with the Alumni Cheerleaders. The event had two current Washington Redskins Cheerleaders there.

I'm not sure I've ever seen two more GORGEOUS women. I was speechless. One (Brittany) was so tall and so well endowed, I was actually scared of her at first!

Here's me with Brittany (left) and Chelsea (right)

Wait - they are clothed there -- earlier in the evening it was more like this.
Tell me, hard as you tried, did your body ever look this good even when you were 18???

Hate them if you must, but these two women spent hours in front of everyone smiling, signing autographs, then just shaking pom-poms during the Firefighter auction.

I'm sure they had much more fun things to do on a Friday night - but darn of both Brittney and Chelsea didn't work as hard as anyone else at the event. And hang out a bit afterwards. They practice hours each week. They spend an entire weekend day at the game. And they travel hours in metro traffic to get to appearances. (all with only small monetary compensation for games and some appearances).

I can say from experience, their family, friends and their full time jobs (or school) get the very short end of the stick.

But the Firefighters raised over $15,000 last Friday night for the People's Burn Foundation sponsored by the Fraternal Order of Leatherheads Society (FOOLS).

And how can you hate that?

Cheers! Heidi

Will this gift spread some holiday cheer??

Hmmm...I haven't started my holiday shopping yet. Have you ever bought something like this for a girl friend? How did it go? Obviously hair dye for down there is brand new, that Betty Beauty sure cornered the market!

How about an adult toy, like the ones here??

Hannukah is in 2 weeks, Christmas in just over 3...I'm starting to panic. One year my friends all got Hanky Panky thongs. Another year, the pregnant ladies got thigh-high fishnets. There's always magazine subscriptions. But this year I want to be different!! Is this the year to start giving the gift of adult fun??

What do you think??

Cheers, Lara