The Ultimate Husband Test
Imagine the horror. My spousal unit is downstairs - he got up at 5:30 with the 2-year-old. I open my eyes this morning, snuggled up to my 5-year-old "Boo-Boo," and right above us, flying in circles is a HUGE BAT.
Me: "Um, Boo-Boo - honey there is a big moth in the room - please run down and tell daddy ...."
Boo-Boo: "Where? A big moth?? Cool. Lemme see!!!"
Me: "Um, no Boo-Boo - go tell him RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"
My Boo-Boo runs downstairs and I am frozen under the covers in fear. But if I don't move, the bat might crash on top of me or WORSE -- poop on me!!
I tear out of the room to the kitchen - to get my husband.
He makes a FUTILE attempt with SPORTS TOOLS. He looks terrified:
So we're upstairs and crouching at the bedroom door watching the bat circle. My husband is creeping out about it. Claiming he's been attacked by bats in his youth. I make fun of him, and then I take action -- diving in like a trained killing Marine to go open the windows before the sun comes up and we have no hope of the bat flying out.
When I return to hallway safety --I begin making fun of my husband --strutting around the hallway like a chicken. Clucking like a chicken. BAAAAAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK. Chicken!!! BAWK BAWK BAWK.
The open windows don't work -- and it lands on our BAT FRIENDLY CEILING.....
(no, no bat in picture, I was too scared to click a flash when he was there)
My husband decides to make a BAT TRAPPING TOOL....
But neither of us think much beyond how we are doing to get it out from under that contraption. When he gets it trapped, I am supposed to get within one foot of that squeaking fluffy monstrous rabid venomous vampire BAT and actually slide something underneath thinking he won't get out and ATTACK???
Him: "OK, I've got it, come and help me"
Me: whimpering -- "Um how am I supposed to get up there with this piece of cardboard?"
Him: "JUST DO IT"
Me: I slink over to the vanity and get a chair, step up and start shaking and crying because my head is within one foot of the bat
Me: I start wildly crying and leave the room
Him: "HEIDI - GET BACK HER NOW. DAMNIT. HELP ME.
Me: WAIL WAIL CRY --- and run outside
Him: "GOD DAMNIT GET UP HERE AND HELP ME"
Me: inconsolable
Who's the chicken now, huh???
My brave wonderful husband then is left with the bat under the funnel, by himself. No help. After screaming for me for about 15 minutes, he throws down the contraption and runs out of the room. We're downstairs by the back door where I'm whimpering -- and we see the MONSTER fly out of the room, back to the woods.
MY HERO!! MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!!
I love him now more than I ever have. And a maiden must REWARD her knight. At night however, we gotta get to work!!!!
P.S. Squirrel season in the attic is RIGHT around the corner : )
Cheers! Heidi
UPDATE: I could not muster up the courage to take a picture, but this one I found has an UNCANNY resemblance:
Comments
what a harrowing tale!
husbands are the best. yesterday mine killed a, um, cockroach. actually...let's just not talk about that right now.
what a harrowing tale!
husbands are the best. yesterday mine killed a, um, cockroach. actually...let's just not talk about that right now.
Ew! I don't know what I would've done... I hate it when animals get into the house. A few months ago, I found a scorpion in the house and I thought I was going to die... I called my dad and woke him up made him come over and help me because there was no way I was going near that thing on my own.
Tennis rackets- trust me. We had 6 bats in three weeks in our last house (note- *LAST* house). My husband discovered that nothing did the trick quite like a Wilson with an oversized face. In fact, the last one was "served" mere moments before my water broke with my youngest!
"served"??? Laura, does that mean it was killed with the sports equipment??
