Goodbye Katie Couric

The only fitting entry for today (Today?) is a fond farewell to Katie Couric!

Why am I such an obsessed fan? Because Katie ENJOYS BEING A GIRL.

As a former NFL cheerleader, I used to hide the fact that I was a cheerleader to avoid being stereotyped. Katie EMBRACES her 'girlness', and we can all learn from that.

REPRESENT Katie! REPRESENT!

You Go Girl! We'll be CHEERING for you every step of your way.

Cheers, Heidi

Skip the mandals, please!!

Happy Summer everyone!! Bust out the white clothes 'cause a new season is upon us!

Now ladies, we need to take care of something. This means all of us, working together, to try to improve our lives and the lives of all the men we know. We need to get men to stop wearing open-toed sandals.

I suggest blast emails, billboards, jumbotron messages, a little post-it on their bathroom mirror - any method that will get this message across:

DUDE - DO NOT WEAR MANDALS - OR ANY SHOE THAT EXPOSES YOUR TOES - ANYWHERE OTHER THAN THE BEACH.

Your toes are not fit for our consumption. Even if you got a pedicure, like a guy I know who actually got clear gloss on his toes (straight man, too - very disorienting to see the sheen of nail polish on a guy's toes! But I digress...).

My mother always said that a woman shouldn't wear open-toed shoes to work because all of her power would slip out her feet. I believe her, and I believe it applies to men, too.

Anyone disagree with the mandal ban??

Cheers, Lara

Suck, Tuck and Pivot

I need to learn how to "take a good picture."
ChickChat was in New York City this week! We attended the Mamapalooza event, so we had to stop by and visit our very best friends at iVillage.

Watch out Vanna White!
....or not.....I never saw her big fat head blocking the game show logo. Oops, sorry iVillag!! I mean iVillage.....yup, that was me, Heidi...with the big head. (and that's not the only part of me that's too big).

Did you ever hear the Southern advice on taking good photos?

SUCK, TUCK, and PIVOT

Very simple three step process:

1. SUCK in your stomach. With ALL you've got. This is demonstrated by clicking on the last link at the bottom of the page -"The Walk" here
2. TUCK in your tailbone. It will complement your efforts at the tummy sucking...
3. PIVOT..any model or star will tell you, the head on shot just isn't' flattering, turn yourself girlfriend! dip forward during your pivot...don't just pivot the body, do the shoulders for effect.

Any good Southern girl will tell you, a bit of OVEREXAGGERATION goes a long way in picture.

Cheers! Heidi

You might be a little sad this week...

Sigh. Sweeps week is almost over. All the good shows will be over...some for good!

Will & Grace delivered the weakest series finale since...Friends. Luckily, both shows will live forever in repeat-land, so we'll be able to get that nasty taste out of our mouths quickly by checking in with an old episode.

But come this time next week, all kinds of programs will be in repeats or on summer vacation (what, are these shows in elementary school that they get summer vacation??). In no particular order, I'll miss Prison Break, 24, Lost, Sopranos, Las Vegas, American Idol, Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal, My Name is Earl, The Office, and yes, I just might miss The Apprentice (it's Donald, I'm strangely addicted to seeing him on the show).

Heidi tried to make me feel better by reminding me that the dance shows will be on this summer. And Rescue Me and Nip/Tuck start soon...but still. It's not the same as the full-on tv season.

I know summer is a great time to be outside, visiting with friends and family, appreciating fresh produce and that it's light out til 9 pm. But I know I'll wonder this summer, just when I least expect it... are Michael and Lincoln Scofield ok? Is Jack Bauer getting a well deserved nap? Did the plummer from D. Housewives survive the hit-and-run? Is Earl crossing things off his list WITHOUT US, and will it count if not televised? You get the idea.

What shows will you miss?

Cheers, Lara

Church Pews and He Skirts

This is what happens to someone like me when they have Adult Attention Deficit for photos on the web while blogging Disorder.... (ever heard of it? sure you have!!)

I innocently go skipping down the Google lane just a lookin' for a photo of full CHURCH PEWS. I often chat about what I think about in church -- and it helps if you also stare at the backs of so many heads to get the right 'mind set' shall we say.

So I type into Google "CHURCH PEWS" .....and don't ask but this is what I find:

Only to bring them right back again, years later under the name of Dorcus He-Skirts. This rare shot from a press event confirms the details of an internal memoranda: “hire only men with large, hairy, developed legs, because in all probability they will be frequently chased by men wielding bats and clubs; models must be able to outrun their critics.”

The memos also detail the jingle for the ad campaign:

She Skirt - He-Skirt - They-Skirt - We-Skirt!
Wear a lotta Dorcus and the gang’ll all say Gee Skirt!
Men, you gotta bare it for a solid Dorcus Whee Spurt!
He-Skirt! He-Skirt! He-Skirt! He-Skirt!

Sooooo you ask - How in the heck did HE SKIRTS come up from a Google search of CHURCH PEWS???? HEAVEN KNOWS!!!! (a - ha-ha-ha-- I CRACK myself up - get it? Heaven? Pews??)

But seriously folks. Even though Dorcus Shirts never caught on - why the hell not Dorcus Skirts I ask you??? WHY??? I am a HUGE fan of the Man Skirt. And you should be too. Has she lost it you ask? LEGS ladies. It's all about the guy's legs.

What? The booties? No, I didn't even NOTICE the booties. The white booties. I was too busy with the whole skirt thang. Geez - who looks at men's feet anyway? ..expect pervs.

Man I most want to see in a skirt (besides my husband):Patrick Rafter. Mmmmm - View image">Patrick Rafter's legs....mmmmm...

P.S. Time to waste? Have fun looking at old "Dorcus" wear on my new favorite site

How often do YOU do laundry?

There's a classic question for men: Boxers or Briefs?

Well ladies - I have a new one. When you've met that special guy and you're trying to get to know him, don't ask him what kind of underwear he wears. Ask him how often he does laundry. That will tell you how much underwear is rattling around in his sock drawer.

Last weekend I learned something so disturbing about my new live-in boyfriend that even though it's been a couple of days, I'm still in TOTAL shock.

The man, who's in his very early 40s, only has enough underwear to last about 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS! Now, I have bought so many 3-packs at Target (ok, and the occasional Victoria's Secret splurge) that I could prolly make it two MONTHS without doing laundry. It's one of my things. I have a lot of undies because I HATE doing laundry!

The upside of learning about this, of course, is that I get to buy him the kind of underwear I want to see him wear (and take off, for that matter). But I was really shocked.

So tell me - how often do YOU do laundry?!? And is this normal - for a guy to only have enough underwear to get him thru two weeks??

Cheers, Lara

Who Would You Marry?

Who Would YOU Marry?

George Clooney? or Homer Simpson?

Wait - not so fast -- you KNOW this is a trick question.

You have a really good reason, right? I mean, Darwin always said that mating w/ an attractive male and producing attractive male offspring ensures our genetic success when all the females wanna 'procreate' with our gorgeous George Jr. offspring. Its only right in nature.

THINK AGAIN Girlfriend.

This chick proved Darwin Wrong:

And she can teach us a thang or two.

Seems to the female flycatcher that the George Clooney male flycatchers spend WAY too much time gettin' busy (spreading their seed) and FAR too little time helping w/ the offspring. The Homer Simpson flycatchers stuck around, helped raise the young. And therefore, made conditions more favorable for producing lots of little grand-flycatchers to be running around in the future.

We can learn a thing or two from a smart chick, huh?

Again, the nice guys win.

Cheers! Heidi

When did you get your first manicure?

I don't know about you, but I was in my 20s before I got my first manicure. My grandmother was in her 70s! Neither of us were interested before then...but once my Granny got "hooker red" fingernails for the occassion of her 50th wedding anniversary, I was all in!

I thought the world had gone looney-tunes when I heard this week that kids as young as 4 now get mani/pedis, so I took a poll - and all of my friends with daughters and nieces know at least one 7-year-old who's been to the nail salon! My head was spinning and then Boston Guy COINCIDENTALLY announced that his 8-year-old daughter is having her 9th birthday party at a nail salon - she and 7 of her cute little friends are getting their nails did together next week!!

After the smelling salts took effect, I thought about it again. When I was 9, I was the only girl in the city basketball league. Nail polish was for grandmothers. I thought pink and makeup and Barbie dolls were weak. It wasn't until I was in my mid-to-late 20s until I understood how powerful being a chick REALLY is - especially if you're all done up! So after some thought, I am all for bringing a second grader to the salon.

How old were you when you got your first manicure/pedicure? Do you think the rules have changed?

Cheers, Lara

I Ain't No Hollaback Girl!

When I was a young girl, I would have been the spokesperson for the Street Harrassment Coalition.

After I had two kids, you won't find me posting here. I sure ain't no Hollaback Girl. I'd like to know how they feel in 20 years and a few kids later!

Geeeez, I'd PAY to have men catcall me now. Don't laugh --- I seek out construction sites.

If nothing else, HollaBack New York City is a guidebook to how hilariously gross some men can be. (And of course I can live vicariously through the young women now....)

Here's an example of the postings......

"Hello Baby Doll."

Hello Mr. Dude in suit who likes to holla at women while carrying home your wife's dry cleaning.

- Emily

sing with me -- "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine- I'm gonna let it shine LET IT SHINE LET IT SHINE LET IT SHINE.

If you got it - FLAUNT IT. while you STILL HAVE IT : )

Cheers, Heidi

Can you do-it-yourself?

When I moved to NYC 12 years ago, I was in my mid-20s and soooo excited to live with my best friend from college, Jen. We immediately hightailed it to IKEA to get furniture for our new apartment, which smelled like the pizza parlour two floors below us. I opened the boxes of furniture in our tiny living room floor. Jen assembled the 2 pieces of furniture while I was still trying to figure out how to break down the cardboard boxes the pieces had come in. Some people are just good like that!

Now that Boston Guy and I have settled in a bit, we've realized that until we get more furniture we'll never be able to unpack all those cardboard boxes. We are flat out of storage space. To IKEA!

We went to the new IKEA in the 'burbs, and we got two pieces of furniture that naturally required assembly - a new tv stand and the dresser pictured above. Boston Guy set up the 3-shelf tv stand (complete with wheels) in .003 seconds. This time I hadn't even broken INTO the box with the dresser and he was finished. Sigh.

It took me two days to assemble the little bureau. At the end, there were several leftover pieces, but I couldn't figure out where they went or what purpose they served from the instruction manual. Now, the bottom drawer doesn't quite close...it juts out about 4 inches, which looks pretty funny. I don't care, I filled the whole thing with clothes anyway and there's one less carton in my bedroom. I consider it a victory!!

Have you ever assembled your own furniture? How long did THAT take?

Cheers, Lara

Who's Your Mommy? Who's Your Daddy?

So I've got this 4 year old son. Let's call him BooBoo. We take the kids for the monthly McDonalds splurge, bring it home to the picnic table. My BooBoo points to the woman on the McDonalds bag and says,

"Look - its a Mommy"

So I look at the bag, look back at him, (my hackels are up) and say, "Hmm, what makes her a Mommy?"

"Ummmmm" (accompanied by a total look of confusion)

I guess every woman over the age of 16 is a "Mommy" to him. Oh he'll learn. Because I am NOT a "mommy." I am his mommy, but don't toss no oversized "mommy" stereotype on me. Remember, I'm the one who went out shoe shopping (too fat to clothes shop, don't laugh) when he was three months old and came home with the infamous cheetah boots.

So I'm sure you are curious - the woman is "Maya." She's the yoga chick for the McDonalds Adult Happy Meal DVD prize. (sounds DIRTY doesn't it???? hee hee hee - bet corporate didn't catch that)

I've also got this 2 year old daughter. Let's call her GirlGirl. We're at a daytime party, but I'm stuck in the garage with my Bloody Mary talking to a 2 year old because she's, well, 2. So no adult conversation for me. I can glance over at them crowded around the bar and food - but that is it. She's babbling and driving a tricycle around in circles. She stops suddenly and looks up on top of a shelf, points at this and says,

"There's a Daddy!"

"Oh, honey, you are correct, Elvis does have a daughter. That's right, he's a Daddy."

Not sure what my husband thinks about this. But if a HIDEOUS bust of Elvis can be Daddy, I'm ok with Maya as Mommy. Do you think they make a good couple?

Cheers! Heidi

How much do YOU tip when service is bad?

Last weekend I went out to dinner with my Mom and her boyfriend and my boyfriend and my cousin. We went to a busy restaurant that we'd been to a million times before - it's known for its amazing seafood and down-to-earth style. Wood paneling, fishing theme, very classic New England style. We ordered - nothing weird or fancy, everything was straight off the menu.

It took over an hour to get our food, and we were furious. I know you're wondering - is an hour really that long??

The table next to us turned over THREE TIMES before we were served - that means THREE groups of people sat down, ordered, ate and LEFT THE RESTAURANT before we'd even eaten. The manager picked up the tab for our appetizers, but we were left with the bill for the entrees. We believe that the delay was a team effort -- first the waitress forgot to put our order in, then the kitchen lost it, then the manager got involved but didn't make sure we got our food. The waitress said it was a "little bit of everyone's fault."

We had a debate at the table over how much of a tip was fair, and settled on 12%. How much of a tip would YOU have left?

Cheers, Lara

Which towels do you use?

Haven't we all been here before?

You're in the home of a friend or a relative. You use their restroom. You wash your hands. As you turn off the sink, you realize you've got a HUGE decision to make! Do you use the pristine cloth towel that's hanging on the rack, which looks like it's never been touched (see above, left)? OR do you use one of those fancy, folded, thick, deeply-designed and colorful paper towels that live in their own special pile on the sink? The colors are so rich you wonder if the ink will run onto your wet hands (see above, right).

This is not the home of your best friend, in which case you'd use your jeans as a towel and call it a day. Is it more polite to use the PAPER towel, or the CLOTH towel? ARGH!!!

I used the cloth towel, figured there would be no evidence and I would have saved a tree. What would you do!?

Cheers, Lara

Would you rather be a cougar or a MILF?

Until I saw the movie American Pie, I'd never heard of the term "MILF." Now, between American Pie and the ladies of Desperate Housewives, if you don't know what it means, you've probably been living under a rock.

The term "Cougar", on the other hand, is new to the scene. A cougar is a woman in her 40s-60s (dare I say...70s??) who dates much younger men. She is confident, independent, and into younger guys because they are FUN! Some famous cougars are Ivana Trump and Demi Moore (who has broken the new stereotype by actually MARRYING her prey!).

My boyfriend knows a guy in his 20s who goes "cougar hunting" at the bars, because he thinks cougars are HOTTER THAN WOMEN HIS OWN AGE! Cougars are generally not interested in long term relationships. Remember, we're talking about guys in their 20s here - is this a match made in heaven or what?!

Personally, I'd rather be a cougar - it just sounds like so much fun! Which would you rather be?

Cheers, Lara

When was the last time you moved?!

Why does it feel like I've moved into a warehouse storage facility?? It's been less than a week, and I'm still surrounded by cardboard boxes. Some people claim it takes weeks to get unpacked, but I'm WAY too impatient for that.

Besides, moving to a new state takes some getting used to ...

- I can't remember our new phone number because the area code sounds funny.
- The TV listings in new local paper look funny.
- So do the tv channel numbers (NBC isn't Channel 4, it's 7. How long will it take to get used to THAT?)
- Actually, entire new local paper looks funny. Same with local tv news.

Maybe once we've unpacked I'll get used to everything. It's not all strange - my new grocery store is huge and it rocks, and the new apartment is twice the size of my last one. I'm just looking forward to feeling settled in!

How long did it take YOU to unpack, the last time you moved??

Cheers, Lara